Keeping Our Children's Hearts: Raising Teens ? Part 2

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By Contributing Writer, Candace

If you missed Part 1, you can click here to catch up.

In Part 1, I shared with you the joys of raising our teen girls.? I think it?s important to talk about the joys of teens because often our culture?says that the teen years will be difficult and should be feared.? You?ve heard it before, ?Just wait until they?re teens!?? So encouraging to new parents, right?

If you are parents to little ones, don?t be afraid!? Pray that God will give you the wisdom to shepherd your children into God-fearing teens, and then adults.? If you?re parents to teens already, enjoy them.? Talk with them and?pray for them continually!? ?If you have a teen who has rebelled, pray that God would turn his/her heart around, and trust that He is in control and?has a purpose for their lives.

No matter how perfect we may perceive a family to be, we all have the same thing in common.??It?s?called our sin nature.? None of us are immune from it, so we can all expect some tough spots along the way.

I?ll share what we?ve learned?thus far and focus on those day-to-day tough spots: those days when hormones are getting the best of them, or they question your decisions, or think you?re being unfair.? ? Here are some practical ways to deal with those tough spots:

Be understanding.

Hormones can get the best of all of us. But hopefully, as we get older and mature in Christ, we?re able to exercise more self-control.? We need to be compassionate when our teen doesn?t wake up?on the right side of the bed. Just like I want my kids to extend grace to me when I?m not in the greatest of moods, I must extend the same grace to them. This doesn?t excuse crossing the line of?disrespect?we must all exhibit Christ-like hearts, but we can give grace on those hormonally off days.? I?m so thankful my kids love and forgive me on my off days.

Put on then, as God?s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience?? Colossians 3:12

Pick your battles wisely.

I don?t know about you, but I?ve always hated this term! After all, I?m the parent, and I certainly don?t want my kids battling me so much that I must start picking which ones to fight. However, there are situations when I might not agree with my teen, yet, their desire, method,?or request is not wrong or sinful (obviously, sin must be dealt with).

For example, my younger teen loves to cook! I am grateful! However, she cooks rather slowly and makes quite a mess while doing it. I used to walk in the kitchen and either ask her why she wasn?t finished yet, or criticize the mess. I began to see the discouragement on her face and realized I was worried more about the mess than her service to our family! I decided to just stay out of her way and let her do her thing in her own time and in her own way. She knows that when she is finished, she must clean up. She?s also learned how much time she needs to complete a meal or bake something and is careful to allot herself that time.? She?s a fabulous cook!

If I had continued to oversee?her?in the kitchen, critiquing her every move, she would see meal time as a burden and not a joy.? As long as?sin is not involved, and it won?t hurt others, be willing to let some things go.

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.? James 3:17

Compromise.

As we?re raising our children, we want them to?develop intelligent minds that can think for themselves.? This is good. We want our children to think for themselves and question things that don?t seem right.? Until that is?.they start questioning US!? I often laugh during these times, thinking that I miss when they were little?when they shared all?our same opinions and thought?we hung the moon.? But when we raise them to be logical thinkers, they enjoy debating quite a bit.? Our family rule has always been that if you don?t agree with a decision or don?t understand something, you are free to respectfully ask questions or state your case.? Once the?debate turns heated, it?s over.? One thing we must not do is find ourselves arguing with our teens (we?have been?guilty of this).? But when a respectful debate ensues, we are happy to listen, and have often compromised based on their ability to articulate their position.

When I say compromise, I am not talking about compromising God?s word, our values, or standards.?? These compromises may?come in the form of: staying up later on a school night for a particular reason, or extending curfew a bit because of a special outing or function, or agreeing on a fair amount of time to spend on the computer, iTouch, video games,?etc.? Sometimes, we as parents, can be so quick to say no, or stand firm?on our black and white rules, that we?re not willing to just listen and?try to compromise.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.? Matthew 5:9

They will make mistakes.

This has been a difficult area for me, personally. I made so many mistakes as a teenager, that I want to do whatever I can to prevent mine from making the same ones. This partially entails me being open about my teenage years so that they understand where I?m coming from. However, I tend to take that into areas that aren?t that big a deal and expect them to heed my every warning.? I?ve been known to get offended when they don?t take my word for it.? But I?m learning that there are some areas in which they must learn on their own.? And that?s okay!

Our teens will make mistakes just like we did when we were their age?.and still do.? But we must weigh those?decisions against real sin.? We certainly don?t want to send them out ill-equipped and expect them to always make the right decisions, but if they have been equipped, then allow them to make decisions that you may not necessarily see as wise, so that they can learn from them.

Though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand.? Psalm 37:24

Be quick to forgive.

No matter how many times we may be unhappy with each other, or have spats, we are always quick to forgive.? There?s nothing worse than a parent who stays mad at you for days on end, or treats you like they don?t love you because you made a mistake. We all make mistakes. Forgive quickly and restore fellowship between you and your teen.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.?

Ephesians 4:32

Allow the Holy Spirit to work in them.

When you?ve raised your child?in the Lord, and they have a relationship with Him, there comes a point when we have to trust that the Holy Spirit will lead and guide them.? Easier said than done.? There was no harder time to practice this than when Cheyenne and Nathan were courting and engaged.? For us, though we viewed Cheyenne as a mature adult, this was our first experience down this road.? On one hand, we trusted their intentions and commitment towards purity.? On the other hand, temptation can get the best of us, especially when we?re young and very in love!

We did have fairly strict guidelines in place during their courtship, but my husband brought much needed balance to the process.? He was much better at discerning situations that were?necessary to allow the Holy Spirit to guide, and which ones required more parental guidance for our daughter.

But there are many situations that our teens will face that will allow the Holy Spirit to guide.? Teens are surrounded by a?general decline of moral standards, and we can?t follow them around every second or keep them locked up.? This is when we must trust God, and the work He does through the Holy Spirit!

But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.? John 14: 26

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